Note: This Post was written by Fish’s Mom, Dr Patricia Fishburne

No one in my family had gone to college and, having married at 18, there seemed little likelihood that I would either. My husband, on the other hand, had graduated from college and had begun to take graduate classes at night. That was the impetus I needed. I enrolled for one class a semester, at night, at the University of Dayton. At that rate it would take a very long time to get my bachelor’s degree, but it was a beginning.

The following year, 1958, we moved to Columbus, Ohio where Stokes began work on a Ph.D. in aeronautical engineering. Initially, we lived in student housing right across from Ohio State University stadium. Ours was a subterranean apartment, so we had a great view of people’s feet as they went by our little apartment on their way to the football games. We were thrilled to be at a Big Ten school that provided excellent educations for both of us as well as basketball games, football games and parties at the homes of faculty members. We took advantage of everything and we loved it all.

For the next five years I worked during the day and took classes at night. Stokes got his Ph.D. in early 1963 and our first daughter arrived shortly thereafter. Since I was no longer working, I started taking day-time classes but I only took two classes a semester so I could devote the rest of my time to being a mom and wife. At 25 I certainly didn’t feel like a co-ed, but it was exciting being surrounded by young people who – unlike me — were having a true college experience.

In 1967 Stokes was offered a great job on Long Island so we packed up and moved. Over the next four years I finished my degree, on a part-time basis, at Hofstra University which was definitely not on the same level, academically, as Ohio State. Imagine my surprise, then, when Hofstra informed me that I would not graduate summa cum laude because I had taken most of my classes at OSU. I protested their decision and they relented – I would graduate summa cum laude after all. It had taken a long time, 13 years to be exact (1958-1971), but I had finally earned my undergraduate degree.

I was elated but now I had a new goal, I wanted to get a Ph.D. When I told Stokes, he suggested I take flower-arranging classes. I was furious! He was not the only one who discouraged me. My step-father agreed with my husband. He said that Stokes had a good job so my place was in the home.

The women in our neighborhood, all full-time wives and mothers were also appalled when I told them that I wanted to get a graduate degree.

Finally, I asked my husband why he didn’t want me to go to graduate school. He said he was concerned that I might meet someone else. I told him that I took that chance every time he walked out the door. Now, he would have to take that chance too!

I applied to a Ph.D. program in the Sociology Department at New York University. Not only was I was accepted, I was offered an assistantship that included tuition and a stipend.

Once again, at 33, I was a lot older than the other students. The first day I took the train into NYC, I felt very guilty leaving our two daughters in the care of a baby-sitter after school. That guilt was reinforced by a curious conductor who wondered what a casually dressed young woman with a briefcase was doing on a train surrounded by well-dressed corporate men. Upon hearing my story, he chastised me for leaving my children to pursue a graduate degree.

Despite all these negative reactions – from my husband, relatives, neighbors and even strangers – I pursued my graduate degree. I completed my class work in three years, then I took a job at a social research firm. As part of that job, I worked on a project for the National Institute on Drug Abuse which led to my dissertation. Finally, in 1980, 22 years after I took my first undergraduate course, I was awarded my Ph.D.

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